Our pain and loss at having to spend our first Christmas without Polly is made even worse by the loss of Zap.

 

Zap,you crept into our hearts and made a place all of your own.....you saved Poll from the loneliness of losing Ellie,and made us all smile again.You bounced and loved your way through the days,making laughter wherever you went.

When we lost Poll,you took on the mammoth task of trying to shore up the gaping wound in our hearts.......and did it with such consumate skill.You gave me all you had to give and  then worked to give me yet more.With Poll,I adored.With you,I WAS adored..........you were my shadow,my helper,my companion,my smile through some of my darkest hours.What do I do without you now?

No waggy tail to greet me in the morning,no warm lump beside me at night while I watch tv,no reason to leave my mug of tea half full,so you can finish it off for me.No hopeful nose buried in my shopping bags when I come home.......no more soft gentle licks on my ankles when I sit down.

How can I face the morning when I know you are not there,I still go straight to the back door,first thing in the morning,and last thing at night,to let you out........I still see you in my minds eye,bouncing across the back garden on all four feet at once......my Pepe Le Pui in black and gold.Who will go upstairs to wake Maria every morning now? Who will fetch my paper,wet and crumpled,from the front door?

I look at my house now,so quiet and  empty.......if it was filled with a hundred people,I would still be lonely and I would still be lost.

I miss you so much.....we all do.Your Christmas presents sit ready for tomorrow.........Christmas Eve without my boy.....that's no Christmas for us.

I crave to bury my head in your chest and to scrunch your fur around your neck,hug you,kiss you,look into the eyes that always looked back at me with such love.Only in dreams now,my precious,only ever in my dreams.

 

Goodnight,sweet dreams,kisses and loves,

 

Mom and Maria.

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